I need to vent.
I love my natural hair. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. I love it so much I blog about it, talk about it and spend money on it (not too much of course). I invest time and effort into making it looks good and feels good. It doesn’t always look how I would like it to or feel as great as I’d love it to, but I wear it like a crown.
Lately though, to be honest, I am so damn frustrated with it!!! When I stretch it with my fingers and see how it tapers towards the ends, or when I twist it and see how my edges refuse to grow as fast as the rest of my hair, or how it looks nothing like the perfect pictures of other natural ladies online, I just feel like taking a pair of scissors and chopping it all off. All of it. Every single damn strand.
I want it to grow but more importantly I want it to grow healthily, I can’t be doing all this hair stuff and have nothing to show for it. I know I’ve made mistakes along the way, and that’s ok because I was learning. I only really started making progress this past year (after 2 years of being natural!!). I feel kind of embarrassed admitting that because I often meet people who ask for advice about hair. I feel like I shouldn’t be giving advice if my own crown is not in order.
As I type this I am fighting the urge to go to a salon not far from here and do a second big chop…
I’m mad at myself too because it shouldn’t be this serious right? It’s just hair! But it feels so so so serious. It’s such a struggle to love your hair this much and not have it meet your expectations. I’m definitely never picking up a box of relaxer though so I have to work with what I have. Do more research and change up my routine and hope that fixes a few things (especially those badly tapered ends!)
But as much as I may not like the state of my hair currently, it’s encouraging when I hear people tell me how beautiful it is and how healthy it looks and so on. Your compliments are not lost on me, they keep me going. So thank you to every one of you silent and non silent readers who have paid me a compliment at one point in time.
My 3 year nappiversary rolls around next month (October) and I’m not excited about it. I might just end up celebrating it with a cut…joking.
Sigh, black hair problems.